Thursday, March 09, 2006

A Brief Guide to the Scientific Literature


Phrase....................................Translation

It is believed......................... I think

It is generally believed.........My colleagues and I think

There has been some discussion...Nobody agrees with me

It can be shown......................Take my word for it

It is proven.....................It agrees with something mathematical

Of great theoretical importance.....I find it interesting

Of great practical importance....... This justifies my employment

Of great historical importance........This ought to make me famous

Some samples were chosen for study.....The others didn't make sense

Typical results are shown............The best results are shown

Correct within order of magnitude...... Wrong

Values were obtained empirically...The values were obtained by accident

Results are inconclusive....The results seem to disprove my hypothesis

Additional work is required.....Someone else can work out the details

It might be argued that.........I have a good answer to this objection

The investigations proved rewarding..... My grant has been renewed


5 comments:

not_over_it said...

Additional work is required.....Someone else can work out the details

*sigh*

I miss my toadies!

KEvron said...

"most intriguing"....what was that middle part?

KEvron

5th Estate said...

who knew that scinece was such an exact science? No, wait... who knew that some believe that science is not empirically conclusive unless proven to be so by a peer review of like-funded investigators supported by the efforts of neophyte undergrads still struggling with their own theories about how money gravitates towards a singularity of status quo bounded by a matrix of potential that inevitably succumbs to the entropic force that maintains the stasis of what is at any given instant?

Or is that just me? I dare anyone to prove me wrong!

5th Estate said...

who knew that scinece was such an exact science? No, wait... who knew that some believe that science is not empirically conclusive unless proven to be so by a peer review of like-funded investigators supported by the efforts of neophyte undergrads still struggling with their own theories about how money gravitates towards a singularity of status quo bounded by a matrix of potential that inevitably succumbs to the entropic force that maintains the stasis of what is at any given instant?

Or is that just me? I dare anyone to prove me wrong!

Red Tory said...

Heh. Too funny.

pssst... you shouldn't give away all the secrets of your profession this way.